The beauty of your smile
It fades with time
The laughter we once shared
What was it about?
I can't remember anymore
These lonely nights swallow me whole
The color of your eyes: blue, brown, green?
I can't recall, can't, can't…
What was it that I loved?
Was that even love?
It faded all too easily
So fragile, so breakable
So easy to completely destroy
And now there's nothing left
Not a single memory resurfaces
I have to remind myself you existed
Or else the time with you
Would be useless, pointless
I struggle to retain a little of it
But it's so hard to remember it
After all, you mean a little less
Than nothing to me now
Your existence that was once
Central to mine, matters no more
I'm searching, searching, searching
For a simple answer:
Why did I ever love anyone?
What compels me to feel, to care?
I suppose it's me- my selfish need
To be loved, needed, desired, spoiled
And so I foolishly seek someone
To be with me, to be mine
And now, as old love fades
I seek a new one to fill in the void
To be refreshed again by
The blessing and joy of love
To experience again the
Excruciating pain it accompanies
To feel rejuvenated
To really be able to Feel
I've forgotten it all slowly
Until I wonder if it really happened
The balm of time heals all wounds
I wonder how many new ones
Will be inflicted on me?
Even then, I will move forward
Until even the shadow of memory
Is no more